I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
