Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
