It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
