it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize