Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
