Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
