he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
