you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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