I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
