If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
