I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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