we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
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