he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
What a dumb baby whore.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
