I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
