I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
