Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
