sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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