Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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