i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
So squirting runs in the family.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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