Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
