You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize