Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Someone stole a lamp last night.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
