Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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