you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
