I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
