im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize