I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
