Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
