i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
