I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
