the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
