you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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