so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Randomize
