awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
