you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
