ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
