tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize