I hate all girls vehemently.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
