You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
