Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
