i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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