if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
