There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize