He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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