i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Can Purell be used as lube?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
