Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
