I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
