I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
