Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
