Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
