i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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