To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
