I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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