Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
