I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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