She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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