She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
