I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
