She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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