I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
And then he peed in my hair
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