Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
