So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
