I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
