I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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