I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
