My friends, they love my intelligence
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
