You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
