I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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