I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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