I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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