shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize