I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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