yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
